All content copyright © 2010-2024 Frank Revelo, www.frankrevelo.com
Strict tempo dancing means always stepping on musical beat. Rubato dancing means step timing drifts from beat, allowing dancers to more closely follow melody or higher rhythms of music. Man has discretion in choosing exact step timing with rubato dancing, so artistry involved and possible for man to be either good or bad rubato dancer. (In music, tempo rubato, Italian for "robbed time", means duration taken from one musical note or measure and given to another.)
Ultimate goal is to convert more of music to movement than just fundamental beat, and to focus more on complexity in time (step timing, acceleration and thus force, change of force) than in space (step direction, distance). For example, if bandoneón or piano playing on beats 1-2.5-4 (332 timing), step to that rhythm rather than fundamental 1-2-3-4 beat. For voice/violin singing/playing legato (normal in tango, staccato is exception), then reflect melody in both timing of steps and changes of acceleration/deceleration (thus creating changing force against follower's body). Follower should feel her body being carried along in synchrony to waves of musical sound, which should create bodily pleasure in her.
[Assumption here is that followers want to feel bodily pleasure from tactile sensations, both external tactile sensations due to embrace and changing pressure of leader's body against hers, and internal tactile sensations (proprioception, kinaesthesia) due to changing acceleration and position of her body in space. In fact, many followers are not seeking bodily pleasure, but rather mental pleasure related to visual beauty of dance (as seen by either real or imagined spectators). That is, many dancers (both leaders and followers) focus primarily on visual sense, whereas my focus is primarily on tactile sense (plus auditory sense, of course, meaning music), with no concern for visual sense other than as tool to avoid colliding with other dancers. If leader focused on tactile sense and follower focused on visual sense, resulting dance almost certain to be unenjoyable for both partners. See "motives for tango dancing" section for more on this topic.]
Because steps not always on beat with rubato dancing, and exact step timing discretionary (depending on exactly which part of music man converts to movement and how he converts), synchronization of partners typically requires constant apilado embrace and parallel walking system, implying that only simple steps possible (forwards, backwards, sideways, plus diagonal combinations and pivots) and that woman "mirrors" rather than "follows" man. That is, timing, direction and speed of woman's step same as man's, like mirror image. Elimination of ochos and other non-mirror steps compensated for by complexity of step timing, so rubato dancing should not feel boring, provided woman pays attention to music. In general, more deeply woman feels music, more she will enjoy rubato dancing.
[Stage dancers convert music to movement with complexity in both time and space simultaneously, especially in dramatic interpretations of modern tango music like that of Astor Piazzolla. Complexity in both time and space normally requires choreographing, meaning advance agreement as to movements followed by practicing what was agreed upon. Complexity in both time and space difficult with non-choreographed social dancing.]
I don't dance tango with men myself, so I can't directly estimate how many men dance what I call rubato style. Based on comments by women partners, I am not the only man to dance the way I do, however my style of dance is not that common. Main reason is probably that, while steps used with rubato dancing are trivially easy, musicality required is not at all trivial, and musicality is notoriously difficult to teach and learn. Typically, musicality develops gradually and naturally from simply listening to music. Men who initially have limited tango musicality cannot possibly lead rubato style, and they cannot learn and practice in slow motion because this would distort musical timing, which is the essence of rubato style dancing. So they learn strict tempo style instead, which can be demonstrated and practiced in slow motion. Later, when these leaders do have sufficient tango musicality to dance rubato style, they are reluctant to do so because that would mean abandoning strict tempo dance skills they have mastered and starting all over again with a completely different style of dancing.
Another reason is that rubato dancing only works with followers whose sense of musicality is both strong and compatible with that of leader. Otherwise, leader's conversion of music to movement unlikely to create strong feeling of bodily pleasure in follower, and she will be bored and mystified. Follower must additionally be: (a) comfortable being pressed against man in apilado embrace—otherwise, she will miss subtlety of man's movements; (b) comfortable giving man total control of her body for duration of dance— otherwise, she will feel overly controlled; (c) willing to follow leader as he moves off-beat—otherwise, she will step too soon or too late, so as to remain on beat ("chasing beats"), and thereby lose synchronization with leader; (d) open-minded as to what constitutes good dancing—otherwise, despite any pleasure she felt while dancing, she will conclude dance was bad and man incompetent because off beat and no ochos; (e) able to cope with powerful bodily sensations aroused during dance—otherwise, she will panic. Only some women at typical milongas meet all these criteria, typically less than 20%, based on my experiences in late 2010's at milongas in USA and Europe. (My success rate was much higher, like above 95%, in San Francisco in the late 1990's, when partnering with older Argentine expats, many of whom had been listening to and dancing to tango music for over 50 years.) Lack of women capable of enjoying rubato dancing probably tends to discourage men from trying it. Corollary is that men who lead rubato style should also be able to lead strict tempo style, in case woman cannot enjoy former. Also possible to alternate between rubato and strict tempo style, in case woman enjoys both.
Alternative view is man should only dance style he truly enjoys, because only then can he dance with enthusiasm, which is required for good dancing, even if this means most women will refuse to dance with him. With experience, all dancers tend to develop personal style which reflects their inner personality. Leaders "called" to rubato dancing may eventually have no choice but to follow this call if they want to continue enjoying tango dancing. Otherwise, they will eventually feel an unpleasant conflict between inner desires and outer actions, which may cause them give up dancing altogether.
In my actual practice of social tango dancing, I seldom directly use theory discussed in this document, but instead mostly "feel my way" to what works and what doesn't, then use theory to understand what I am doing, especially mistakes, so as to be more consistent in the future. Perhaps other leaders frustrated by limitations of strict tempo dancing and called to rubato dancing will find this document useful. More likely, they will first have to independently develop their own personal rubato style, and only then will my theoretical discussion make sense.
I am not entirely satisfied with terminology of strict tempo versus rubato style dancing, but alternatives seem worse. "Simple rhythm" versus "polyrhythm" misleading because, even though common situations of 5, 6 or 7 evenly spaced dance steps per 8 beats of music does produce polyrhythm between dance and music, this is only one possible form of rubato dancing. "On beat" versus "off beat" confusing because off beat without intention is simply incompetent. "Confined" versus "liberated" expresses my own feeling that dancing to strict tempo like being confined by straitjacket or by four walls which symbolize four beats, while dancing rubato style liberating, but not everyone feels this way. "Masculine" versus "feminine" and "yang" versus "yin" both have misleading connotations, plus latter terms only meaningful for those familiar with Taoism.
Apilado embrace required for rubato dancing: both man and woman stand up straight, lift chest, lean forwards from ankles until torsos touch. If similar height, then connection at center of man's torso (sternum), otherwise common for woman's center to touch man's abdomen.
Square-shape apilado embrace has leader and follower facing each other directly, with connection at centers of ribcages and follower looking over leader's shoulder (assuming she is similar height or taller). Square-shape apilado embrace is typically preferred by beginners. Some advanced dancers also prefer square-shape apilado because more torso contact. Beginner couples using square-shape apilado embrace may require temporary separation to allow forward ochos.
V-shape apilado embrace has follower positioned slightly to leader's right side, with connection at side versus center of leader's ribcage. Follower normally faces towards leader, though also possible to look over leader's shoulder, as with square-shape apilado embrace. V-shape apilado embrace allows for outside walking and is most intimate embrace if follower faces towards leader, which brings mouths close together. V-shape apilado embrace is typically preferred by more advanced dancers.
Doesn't matter how much pressure between man and woman, as long as pressure constant. Woman creates pressure by leaning into man, while still supporting her own weight. Man supports her, which causes him to also lean forwards slightly. If pressure not constant, man may grip woman tightly so as to force constant pressure. Rather than complaining about man's "death grip", woman should focus on leaning with constant pressure against man, which will normally cause man to relax his grip automatically, since tight grip is hard work for man. (Maintaining constant pressure against man in case of apilado embrace, or constant distance from man in case of separated embrace, is hardest part about woman's role as follower.)
("Volcado" apilado embrace has partners leaning forwards until they begin to tip over and so must be supported by other partner leaning forwards. This embrace allows for some fancy moves but is uncomfortable unless back muscles are highly developed. Neither volcado apilado embrace nor volcado step, which is temporary strong forwards lean of follower against leader, will be discussed further in this document.)
Apilado embrace works best if women similar in height to man, assuming she is wearing heels and he is not. Slightly shorter also works well, since man can bend knees slightly and woman can rise on toes slightly to equalize heights. If woman much shorter and has big breasts, and man is lean, then hard lower edge of man's ribcage may rub against woman's breasts, causing pain. If man has big pot belly, then possibly much shorter woman could rest against that. I have no personal experience with pot belly connection, so not sure how well it works with rubato dancing. If woman much taller than man, then upper part of man's ribcage connects to bottom of woman's ribcage, which gives good connection. Much taller woman may block man's forward view, however man can compensate by moving sideways down line of dance rather than straight ahead.
Both man and woman should close feet whenever possible, in order to look elegant. Man cannot lead closing of woman's feet: she must do it herself. It is acceptable and common, especially with rubato dancing, for man to initiate new step before woman completes her close.
Common apilado embrace errors:
1) Leaning backwards. Possibly woman not experienced with forwards leaning posture used in tango to walk backwards, which woman absolutely must master, regardless of whether apilado or other embrace, regardless of whether rubato or strict tempo dancing. Possibly woman doesn't want to get near man: she should not have accepted his invitation. Possibly man or woman is pushing pelvis forward so as to "grind" against partner: inappropriate behavior at milonga.
2) Standing vertical rather than leaning forwards. Vertical posture okay for separated embrace, but not apilado, because cannot generate pressure between torsos and simultaneously keep feet apart. If feet not apart and using square-shape apilado embrace, man will either kick woman in shin or else step with his right leg between her legs. Man's right leg between woman's legs is correct for ballroom dancing, but with Argentine tango it looks and feels inelegant.
3) Woman sticks out buttocks by bending at waist. Bend at waist sometimes used by expert followers to facilitate ochos, but average followers lack core flexibility for this to work. Bending at waist will eventually cause backache unless muscles highly trained. Sometimes women bend at waist to accommodate man standing vertical rather than leaning forwards.
4) Pressure between torsos not constant. Usually follower's fault. Causes woman to lag man slightly, rather than mirroring his movements perfectly, so that she bangs against him every time he changes direction. Choppy rather than smooth following.
5) Tension in arms, which is necessary for separated embrace but unnecessary and distracting in apilado.
6) Women's hips unstable, so side-to-side motion as with salsa or hula dancing, or whole body limp or other break in connection between torso and feet, such that leader cannot control follower's feet by controlling her torso. Woman will not feel music through man, so dancing will be boring to her, and she will be unable to follow precisely and hence will look and feel clumsy.
7) Woman hanging on man. That is, pulling down rather than pushing directly forwards with ribcage.
8) Man's right arm against woman's lower rather than upper back, which will eventually cause woman's back to bend excessively and thus cause backache.
9) Man's left hand position uncomfortable for woman, especially man's left hand pushed forward into woman's space.
10) Man or woman squeezing partner's fingers (left hand of man, right hand of woman) or pressing thumb against back of partner's hand.
What if woman not psychologically comfortable with closeness of apilado embrace? Then she should not accept man's invitation. To produce excellent work, artists must follow their inner muse and (mostly) ignore critics. Also, artists typically specialize and develop a personal style. It is up to the audience, listeners in the case of music, followers in the case of partner dancing, to be flexible generalists who can appreciate many different artistic styles. Ideally, leaders and followers alike will be flexible enough to dance to any tango music, followers will be flexible enough to dance with any embrace. If listeners don't like certain music, they should vote with their feet by not attending performances, vote with their wallets by not buying recordings, and at milongas they should simply sit out tandas with music they don't like. But listeners should never dictate to musicians how to play. Likewise, followers who don't like a leader's dance style, including his preferred embrace, should simply not dance with him.
Apilado embrace is not a recent innovation, contrary to what some internet commentators write. In the 1990's, when regularly attending milongas in San Francisco, I frequently danced with women born and raised in Buenos Aires and old enough to have grown up during the tango golden age. Almost always these women spontaneously entered apilado embrace without me explicitly requesting them to use it. (Also, these Argentine women obeyed the unwritten but important codigo that a woman who dances apilado with one man must dance apilado with all men whose invitation she accepts, assuming the man wants apilado. That is, women cannot be selective about dancing apilado, but rather must be selective about accepting invitations. Men who require apilado can thus know which women will accept this embrace by watching women dance with other men, without explicitly asking or having danced previously with these women themselves.)
(In discussion below, terms rubato and polyrhythm used interchangeably, which might be confusing. Polyrhythm with respect to fundamental beat is one common deviation from strict tempo used with rubato dancing, however other deviations also possible. Keep in mind that ultimate goal is dancing more closely to music, especially melody, which increases dance enjoyment in those with strong musical sensibility. Rubato and polyrhythm dancing are means of reaching this goal, not goals in themselves.)
For tango, most common rubato dancing step pattern consists of 3 or 5 more or less evenly spaced steps per 4 or 8 beats (3:4 and 5:8 polyrhythms, respectively), with step 1 on beat 1 and other steps off beat. Quick-quick-slow dancing, with 2 quick (1 beat) steps followed by 1 slow (2 beat) step, is not rubato dancing, since all 3 steps on beat. When melody stops but rhythm continues, dance on beat. Sometimes dance on beat even with melody playing. Underlying rhythm of tango is 4 regular beats per measure: masculine marching music. Rubato dancing softens this masculine quality of tango.
Tangos with strongly audible 3:4 polyrhythm within music itself include Di Sarli Anselmo Acuña el resero, 1943 and Pugliese Negracha, 1948.
If tango beat slow, dance 7 steps per 8 beats (7:8 polyrhythm), which might feel like alternating between 3 and 4 steps per measure. Similarly, 5:8 polyrhythm often feels like alternating between 3 and 2 steps per measure. As with strict tempo dancing, can occasionally pause and thus dance 1 or 0 steps per measure. Example of song where dancing alternate 7:8 and 3:4 polyrhythms works well is Donato Sinfonía de arrabal, 1940.
For very slow beat, such as Di Sarli El jagüel, 1956, 9 steps per 8 beats (9:8 polyrhythm) is appropriate for especially dramatic sections, alternating with slower step patterns elsewhere.
For Biagi tangos, dancing 5:8 polyrhythm usually works well, despite strong contrast with beat. It took me some time to figure out how to dance Biagi tangos in a way that satisfies my musical sensibility. (His milongas and valses never gave me difficulty.) Since few women share my musical sensibility, I now try to avoid dancing Biagi tangos with unfamiliar partners. My dance interpretation of Biagi was helped by listening carefully to his solo piano piece Cruz Diablo, 1927, his own composition and his first recording, which is never played at milongas.
Exact 3:4 polyrhythm is approximately beats 1 2.33 3.67, which is close to beats 1 2.5 4 of 332 rhythm, exact 5:8 polyrhythm is beats 1 2.6 4.2 1.8 3.4, which is close to beats 1 2.5 4 2 3.5 of 33433 rhythm, and exact 7:8 polyrhythm is approximately beats 1 2.14 3.29 4.43 1.57 2.71 3.86, which is close to beats 1 2 3.5 4.5 1.5 2.5 4 of 2322232 rhythm. (9:8 polyrhythm is typically used to align with legato violin or voice, so no associated rhythm.) For most dancers, breaking free of underlying 1234 beat is what is difficult. Whereas applying rubato to 3:4, 5:8, or 7:8 polyrhythms to align with 332, 33433 or 2322232 rhythms of piano or bandoneón is easy, assuming those instruments are dominant and playing rhythms just listed, since dancers with musical ability naturally want to align with music. This is one reason why I prefer to think in terms of polyrhythm and rubato applied to polyrhythm, versus thinking directly in terms of 332, 33433 or 2322232 rhythms. Another reason is that piano or bandoneón might not be playing rhythms just listed or dominant instrument might be violin or voice playing/singing legato, so rubato only way to align with music. Finally, practice dancing to 3:4, 5:8 or 7:8 polyrhythms, while counting 1234 aloud without music, is easier than practice dancing to 332, 33433 or 2322232 rhythms.
Tango vals has 4 "oom-pah-pah" measures per phrase, where "oom" is stressed beat and "pah" is weak beat, so 4 stressed beats per phrase. Dancers only count stressed beats, and number them as 1234. Strict tempo pattern of 5 steps per phrase on beats 1 1.5 2 3 4 ("quick, quick, slow, slow, slow") can be slightly modified to produce polyrhythm pattern of 5 evenly spaced steps per phrase, which can then be further refined by applying rubato to these 5 steps. For slower vals, try 6 evenly spaced steps in 4 beats (steps 1 and 4 on beat, remaining steps off-beat). Difference between strict tempo and rubato step patterns is small but has powerful effect on feel of dance. Simplicity of vals rhythm makes it ideal starting point for leaders new to rubato dancing. Vals also useful for testing follower ability to dance rubato style. Unfortunately, my experience is that followers sometimes dance rubato style vals perfectly but then stumble terribly with rubato style tango, so test isn't fully reliable.
Milonga inherently has irregular 3122 rhythm, so stressed beats counted "1 and and 2 3 and 4 and", and thus doesn't gain as much from rubato dancing as tango and tango vals. Many strict tempo dancers ignore milonga's irregularity and instead dance as if it had 4 evenly spaced beats, which robs milonga of its sensuality ("un ritmo desigual, tan sensual"). Much better is to alternate between following step patterns, using actual irregular milonga stressed beats: 3 steps on beats 1 2 4, or 4 steps on beats 1 2 3 4, or 5 steps on beats 1 * 2 3 4 where * halfway between stressed beats 1 and 2. Optionally, rubato can be applied to these step patterns.
Man can discover best step timing to use with different songs by practice dancing alone, alternating between strict tempo and polyrhythm options to feel what works best. Even better, dance alone in follower's role: eyes closed, walking backwards, pushed by music, similar to how real followers are pushed by leader. Because woman mirrors man with rubato dancing, whatever feels good to man dancing alone should also feel good to women being led by man. Compare with strict tempo dancing, where ochos and other non-mirror steps feel different for man and woman.
For tango, start with strict tempo dancing: 4 steps in 4 beats, 2 steps in 4 beats, 3 steps per 4 beats in quick-quick-slow pattern. Then try 3:4 (=6:8) polyrhythm timing: 3 equal length steps which together sum to 4 beats of musical time. Then experiment with 5:8, 7:8 and 9:8 polyrhythm timings. For vals, most important polyrhythms are 5:4 and 6:4 (5 or 6 steps in 4 stressed beats). After mastering polyrhythm timings, apply rubato to polyrhythm to match steps even more closely to music. (My own practice is opposite: start by dancing closely to music, then count steps and beats to determine what is happening. Beginning rubato leaders probably can't do this.)
Trick for mastering polyrhythm timimg: use audio brain (hearing) to count beats, use visual brain to count steps. (Or perhaps audio for left hand, visual for right hand, in case of pianists, drummers and other musicians.) My visualization is location of my footsteps on dance floor.
Eventually, man should be able to imagine himself dancing without actually moving his body, making it possible to practice while sitting or lying down and listening to music. Man should respect music: subtract musical elements that cannot be danced socially, but add nothing. Music should lead man, then man in turn leads woman.
If music leads leader and leader leads follower, then who leads musicians, including composer, arranger, bandleader, vocalist, instrumentalists, recording engineers, deejay? Answer: human body is both ultimate leader and ultimate follower. Good dancing is whatever feels good to body. Good dance music is encoding of good dancing. To produce good dance music, musicians must feel with their bodies what follower will ultimately feel in hers. Musicians convert imagined pleasurable bodily movement into sound, which leader converts into real bodily movement, giving both leader and follower bodily pleasure.
Woman should not try to decipher step pattern. Instead, she should focus on feeling how music reflected in man's movements. Ideally, she should feel carried along by music, with man acting as transmission mechanism. Man becomes extension of loudspeakers, so to speak, except he only transmits parts of music, since impossible for human body to move fast enough to transmit all of music. Quality of man's dancing determined by which parts of music he chooses to transmit and how well transmitted version matches original.
Erect, energized, graceful posture at all times: body straight, chest lifted, core slightly tensed to limit side-to-side hip motion, leaning slightly forwards from ankles. Demonstrate how forwards lean ensures forwards steps will always be shorter than backwards steps, so simplified single track walking acceptable. Backwards walk particularly important, since it will feel unnatural initially. Leaders can step either heel first (common among Argentinian men, wearing shoes with elevated heels) or on front of foot (my preferred way of tango walking, wearing shoes with non-elevated heels). Students who cannot gracefully walk/dance alone to tango music certainly cannot dance well with partner.
Embrace can be: (a) square-shape apilado; (b) V-shape apilado; (c) separated, with indirect lead through arms. Distance between dancers in separated embrace can be anywhere from zero to arm's length. Square-shape apilado embrace should be learned first, initially practicing with same sex partner. Rubato dancers must use either square-shape or v-shape apilado embrace because of need to precisely synchronize step timing, which requires torso to torso contact. Step timing easier to synchronize with strict tempo dancing. Beginners favor separated embrace because it is more forgiving of bad posture, bad leading/following skills, limited waist flexibility in woman when doing ochos. Widely separated embrace also favored by dancers who dislike close bodily contact.
Experiment with various positions for man's left hand, using partners of different heights. Reminders about uncomfortable grip, arm position, bodily hygiene (bad body or mouth odors, excessive perfume/cologne, unwashed clothes) and other factors which make for unpleasant embrace.
Remind both leader and follower to close feet after each step. Demonstrate complexity possible using only mirror steps in apilado embrace, and how coordination of step timing, as required for rubato dancing, impossible with separated embrace.
To practice apilado embrace and torso lead, initially have follower raise both her hands in air and also close her eyes. Apilado torso connection then becomes only way to receive lead. Beginner dancers might try to connect torsos by bending forwards from waist rather than ankles: watch for and correct this common error.
Students should practice partnering with all other students of compatible height. If follower complains of tight grip by all leaders, she is probably to blame. That is, grip is probably tight because follower is not pressing her torso against leader's torso, as required with apilado embrace, and thus leader has to compensate with tight grip. If follower only complains about one leader, and other followers also complain only about that leader, then he is to blame.
Core instability common posture problem in beginner followers, which breaks connection between torso and feet, meaning leader cannot control follower's feet by controlling her torso. Leading feels like wrestling match, or like steering wobbly versus stable bicycle. Demonstrate walking with exaggerated instability, so side to side motion of hips as with salsa or hula dancing, then compare with stable tango walk: "Walk like cat, not like cow".
Coordination of step timing only possible if follower gives control of her body to leader. Rebellious follower balks until she understands where she is being lead, only moves when she is ready, puts foot down when she wants, not when leader wants. Disregard for leader's step timing acceptable with strict tempo dancing, but absolutely unacceptable for rubato dancing. Cooperative follower trusts and obeys without thinking, so that she and leader move as harmonious unit. With rubato dancing, cooperative follower mirrors leader's movements exactly, in both direction and timing.
Summary of requirements to follow rubato dancing leader:
Crossed walking system, ochos and outside walking not needed for rubato dancing. Women can learn crossed walking system, ochos and outside walking in single lesson, then practice at milongas, possibly taking occasional private lesson to correct posture or embrace problems. Men typically need considerable practice to learn crossed walking system, ochos and outside walking. Practice should be with dummy partner who silently performs woman's role and only provides feedback when man asks for it. Practice dummy unpleasant job, so best for similar size men to alternate as practice dummies for one another, with instructor present to answer questions.
Beginner awkwardness and lack of self confidence is acceptable in followers but not leaders. Even slight awkwardness or lack of self confidence in leader will be detected by follower and cause her to lose trust in leader, which will then likely cause her to balk at his lead, then leader will detect her mistrust, causing him to further lose self confidence, and so on in negative feedback loop. True self confidence comes from practice of repeatedly doing things correctly. Pretending to be confident without underlying mastery of skills manifests as brutality.
Summary list of basic steps and step combinations for strict tempo tango dancing in square-shape apilado embrace (first five steps, mirror steps using parallel walking system, are sufficient for beginners to move around dance floor, and first seven steps/combinations are sufficient for even advanced rubato tango dancing):
After mastering above basic steps, leaders should then practice coordinating steps with music, taking into account fundamental beat, higher rhythms, melody. Eventually, leader's feet should step automatically, based on his subconscious anticipation of what is about to happen with music. This anticipation results from extensive listening to tango music, while automatic feet movement results from extensive dance practice. Mastering coordination between steps and music more difficult than simply adding more steps and step combinations. However, masterful coordination between steps and music is what matters most to goal of creating powerful feelings of bodily pleasure in followers, not quantity or complexity of steps.
If group of students, form chain along line of dance and switch partners and roles each song: followers move forwards and become leaders, follower at head of chain moves to end of chain, leaders turn around and become followers. If odd number of students, extra student stands at end of chain and observes. During switch, extra student becomes leader at end of chain, follower at head of group becomes observer.
Beginner lesson: posture, walking, square-shape apilado embrace, strict tempo step timing, parallel walking system, mirror steps, 3-step giros/turns.
Intermediate lesson: crossed walking system, backward and forward ochos.
Musicality lesson: space vs time for dance complexity (to avoid boredom from lack of any complexity), reasons to prefer space (more musically intuitive to some dancers, can demonstrate in slow motion, visible to spectators), reasons to prefer time (more musically intuitive to some dancers, powerful bodily sensations due to varying acceleration/deceleration, closer connection between partners with mirror steps), strict temp vs rubato vs polyrhythm, staccato vs legato, polyrhythms for tango and vals, milonga rhythm options, apply rubato to polyrhythm vs to strict tempo.
Additional lesson: V-shape apilado embrace, outside walking.
Metaphorically speaking, rubato style leader like violinist, follower like violin. Just as defective violin cannot produce good music, no matter how skilled the musician, likewise defective follower (bad posture, lack of apilado embrace, refusal to give control of body to leader) cannot produce good dancing, no matter how skilled the leader. To eyes of audience, little difference between great versus average violinists, whereas huge difference to ears. Likewise, spectators may see no difference between dancing led by great versus average rubato leaders, whereas follower may experience great bodily pleasure with former and boredom with latter.
Music appreciation necessary to lead well, follow well or even be competent spectator of tango dancing. Students should have listening library of at least 1000 songs (900 tangos, 50 milongas, 50 tango valses), representing all major orchestras of both Old Guard era and Golden Age (Biagi, Caló, Canaro, Carabelli, De Angelis, D'Agostino, D'Arienzo, De Angelis, De Caro, Demare, Di Sarli, Donato, Firpo, Fresedo, Laurenz, Lomuto, Maglio, Malerba, Pugliese, Rodríguez, Tanturi, Troilo, Típica Los Provincianos, Típica Victor), to which they should practice dancing alone so as to develop appreciation for music. Men additionally can develop leading skills by dancing alone. Assuming songs average 3 minutes in length, dancing alone twice to each of 1000 songs would take about 100 hours, or slightly over 3 months at 1 hour of practice per day. Additional listening highly advised. After enough practice with enough different music, man should be able to skillfully lead and woman to follow with appreciation even to tango songs they have never listened to previously. (Modern alternative to library of tango songs is internet music, such as via YouTube.)
Close hold tango dancing only works well when both partners truly want to dance with one another, versus merely acquiescing to other person's desire. Understand and use cabeceo/mirada to make, solicit, accept and refuse invitations. Women need to become comfortable repeatedly refusing men's invitations, since women are doing no one a favor by dancing without enthusiasm. Men must become comfortable with repeated rejection. Men and women alike may have good but non-evident reasons for not inviting/accepting: tired, not in good mood, waiting for another partner, don't like music, etc. Women should avoid directly inviting men, since very few women can tolerate open rejection by men, and instead should use mirada to solicit invitations. Men who "mercy dance" with women are making the same mistake as women who mercy dance with men. Unenthusiastic dancing is usually bad dancing, and bad dancing is worse than not dancing at all: learn to enjoy sitting and listening to music!
Sexual feelings large part of appeal of tango dancing, both to young dancers, for whom prospect of finding sexual mate is part of appeal of tango dancing, as well as older dancers, who want to avoid complications of real sex with variety of short-term partners. On the other hand, sexual feelings aroused during tango dancing may present difficulties for dancers who are sexually inhibited or have other issues regarding relations to opposite sex. Sometimes dancers use tango dancing as therapy to overcome sexual issues. Instructors who can help with this process are providing valuable service to students, justifying high pay. Of course, instructor must be tactful in how they address sexual issues in students. Depending on nature of problem and student, same or opposite sex instructor better able to help. Highly advisable for students to initially dance with same sex partners, so issues with posture, embrace, steps and musicality can be addressed separately from issues with sexuality.
Good explanations of square-shape apilado embrace by Carlos Neuman: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19X5RENEhgk, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifuAD2Vspew. Slow motion demonstration of apilado dancing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mbUF0Ig1Y0. Examples of apilado and other embraces at Buenos Aires milongas: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpWVchhN1iY.
Another explanation of square-shape apilado embrace (here called milonguero style embrace) by George and Christie of Dance Vision : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_lX-5n52sU. Male instructor advises that leader should walk forwards heel first, however that is not strictly necessary and not my practice, which is for more aggressive forward lean by leader and leader stepping flat or front foot first, imitating cat. Female instructor advises that follower should take step timing from leader, use leader's timing, never anticipate any particular timing, which is a point I myself emphasize over and over, because failure to follow leader's timing exactly is a common and difficult to fix error of followers, in my experience.
Good demonstrations and explanations of V-shape apilado embrace by Miriam Larici & Leonardo Barrionuevo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zdk-wDB5P_w, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7COH4X5bADU, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuMRrUEyZ5A, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvH_dtc5OHg, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNjSJ_VvMVs, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xx7S-aOKQ1w.
Another explanation and demonstration of apilado embrace (called simply close embrace in video) by Pablo and Anne of Tango-Space: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sD7576fxf9Y
Examples of social dancing at typical Buenos Aires milonga (Lo de Celia Tango Club): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I56gwpHUKuo, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxfzBwSAf8M, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OZNZv7VqJk, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3uBh4XSXl0. Last example features Ismael Heljalil leading unknown follower to Pugliese tango, which should be danced slowly, as shown.
Exhibitions by Carlos Neuman and Charlene Chiu: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qq6qgwE2cuQ, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7w6Q-3NeoQc, Carlos Neumann and Angela Baciu: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jneNp5Ruj3I, Carlos Neumann and Natalya: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwAZ_mPLGvU, Carlos Neumann and ???: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIsjArP1xJY. All these videos worth studying carefully as examples of excellent social dancing that would not be too difficult for intermediate level leaders/followers.
Exhibitions by Nestor Ray and Patricia García: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqxpVxwZ_zg, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQmIxmfKsiE. Exhibition by Nestor Ray and Silvina Valz: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbvrS2tnGa8. Many other YouTube videos of Nestor Ray demonstrate stage rather than social style dancing. I was fortunate to be able to take instruction in-person from Nestor Ray and to frequently watch him dancing in San Francisco in the late 1990's, when he was a regular at milongas there for part of each year.
Exhibitions by Noelia Hurtado and Carlitos Espinoza: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9IktXuyttg, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0zUP8BIDaE, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOb3FvWF7dg. Beautiful apilado embrace, especially first video. Following exhibition is stage dancing rather than social dancing, but well worth watching nevertheless: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEzp5w0u9g0.
Exhibition by Felipe Zarzar and Patricia Mori: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGUkPYZVTgM. Don't judge followers until you've seen them in action.
Exhibitions by Felipe Zarzar and Mamié Sancy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LslfPMeoM9A, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zo-pyBXOps, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6124hKmQpHk, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeDVK4nhjss. Most dancing shown in these videos is suitable for social dancing.
Exhibition by Che Carlitos and Mamié Sancy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=go21_oGaAu8. Everything except high back kick near end suitable for social dancing.
Exhibitions by Osvaldo y Coca Cartery: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xb0ETp_uRpA, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_KMLkqjWQ4. Everything suitable for social dancing (though leader high steps only acceptable if leader positioned so no risk to other couples).
Exhibitions by Chino Perico and Paola Tacchetti: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RV63PK9p1N4, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulzdkkz_02k, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxV5K6HaVpQ, and by Chino Perico and Malena Rodriguez: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlVMuqItCjE, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbH2S95_qOo, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LY1ny2uPM_g. Style similar to that of Carlos Neuman. Good model for intermediate level dancers and entirely appropriate for traditional Buenos Aires milongas, other than high kicks, which should be eliminated or kept lower in crowded conditions.
Exhibitions by Pocho y Nelly Fernando: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lxclb5Z--hg, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vi4_JExd4Zw, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvoPyexSPkg.
Exhibitions by Shastro and Maria: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjOBovaoh44, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IRzQ-y7Px0, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUTc6TIr7s4. "Simple can be beautiful." All moves suitable for social dancing, though straight ahead walking only possible on non-crowded floors.
Exhibitions by Ned Sabi and Nina: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-vkSbD9ZJ0, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVtdPTwG_K8, and Ned Sabi & Tamara Kleva: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Qko32Im8w0, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRen8BsMdMY. High kicks should be avoided in crowded milongas.
Exhibitions by Mirta Tiseyra y Ruben Harymbat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPBS5YzXDhk, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-gJSYdF-qo, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmXG4rV4jYI.
Ruben Harymbat at Buenos Aires nightclub: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2Bt_Ne9tbw. Perhaps best example in this document of what beginning leaders should aspire towards.
Exhibitions by Armando Orzuza and Nuria Martinez: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6HM5QmNr2Nk, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZn7AYvMYGA.
Exhibitions by Gerardo Portalea y Susanna: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pORg6wxeV6Q, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MxiJ9KyLqTQ. Not apilado embrace, not on beat, and not timing I would dance, but worth studying carefully.
Exhibitions by Amanda Lucero and Beto Ayala: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUxVZUtRfA8, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GX-nunHKNqs, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLD-Y5ptZ0s. Everything suitable for social dancing at milongas.
Exhibitions by Adela Galeazzi y Santiago Cantenys: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3iaIGV7pog, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUL453JA7qg. Everything suitable for social dancing at milongas.
Exhibitions by Eduardo "El Nene" Masci y Roxana L'Arco: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrMVK2d1jW0, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7_SnTbEqJA, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tgzs_B2oTy4, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JGwTcJJZ1I. Everything suitable for social dancing at milongas, provided room available for back kicks.
Exhibitions by Murat Erdemsel and Silvina Tse: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkTiW2Fv6Kw, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_X6zSKfns0, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOFxTToSiP8. Step timing often what this document calls "rubato". Dancing mostly suitable for milongas.
Exhibition by Christine Lambert & Antonio Llamas: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4J6crZm5OEE. Foxtrot rather than tango rhythm (originally by Argentine female vocalist Tormenta, here recorded by Cruz Montenegro and orchestra Enrique Rodríguez). Dancing not suitable for social dancing at crowded milongas, especially follower kicks, but would be acceptable on mostly empty dance floor.
Extracts from Argentine Films of 1930's, showing tango dancing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZ5_WMIQ988. Dancers enjoying themselves with compatible partner more interesting to watch than dancers primarily trying to impress audience. So even if ultimate goal is to impress audience, best way to accomplish that is to focus first on your and your partner's enjoyment.
Exhibition by Eleonora Kalganova and Michael Nadtochi: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFOrJ0rcaJU. Dancers follow music very closely, however, this is stage dancing and it would be considered disrespectful to other couples on the dance floor to dance this way at a traditional Buenos Aires milonga. When dancing alone, Ms Kalganova shines even more brightly, with extraordinarily closeness between music and her movements: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nu3E4WTN_kQ, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5YdcYwvaZU. Sometimes when women at milongas express frustration at simplicity of my dance style, I give them opportunity to put on solo performance, by sitting and watching without inviting them to dance with me, but then they express frustration at that as well.
Exhibitions by Murat Erdemsel and Eleonora Kalganova: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qlmMFeOxZw, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeqalZvqmXk, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8i5vVZAlR6s. Another example of stage dancing. Step timing often what this document calls "rubato". I would have preferred to see these superb dancers go an entire song just doing mirror steps, rather than obscuring the musicality with step fanciness.
YouTube offers unlimited selection of videos of tango dancing that would be inappropriate at traditional milongas (because ostentatious or dangerous due to wild kicks), or that disrepects and has no relation to music, or both. Unfortunately, such anti-social dancing is what mostly attracts and influences beginners.
Motive for dance participants can be outer-oriented, focused on visual appearance to spectators, or inner-oriented, focused on tactile bodily sensations of dancer and partner. In addition to dance participants, there are also often non-dancing attendees at tango dancing milongas, whose motive similar to that of audience at ballet: namely, entertainment and socializing. That is, they prefer to watch other people dance rather than dance themselves, or they simply listen to music, talk, drink, eat, and otherwise enjoy milonga atmosphere.
Outer-oriented performance art motive common among young women dancers, who still harbor dreams of being famous ballerinas on stage, applauded by audience at conclusion of performance. Instructors focused on performance art motive tend to emphasize fancy steps and widely separated embrace versus musicality and close embrace.
Inner-oriented dancing produces intimate connection between partners. Degree of intimacy is somewhere between conversation and sex. Term "quasi-sexual connection" emphasizes intimacy of tango dancing connection, especially in close hold, and greater importance of personal compatability between partners with tango dancing than with less intimate social activities, such as conversation or sports. Mate-seekers use this quasi-sexual connection to test compatibility for real sexual relationship, and typically care less about dance skills than age, bodily appearance and other factors relevant to mating. Experience-seekers are curious regarding inner sexual nature of other people, and may prefer quantity of connections over quality. Pleasure-seekers use dancing as surrogate (supplement or substitute) for real sex, and typically prefer repeated connections with reliably good partners. Some pleasure-seekers are too old or sick or busy for real sex, others unable to find real sex partner because higher standards for real sex partner than dance partners, others currently in monogamous sexual relationship and not willing to be non-monogamous but nevertheless desirous of quasi-sexual variety, others simply get as much or even more bodily pleasure from tango dancing as from sex.
Multiple motives possible. For example, entertainment and socializing motive when taking rest break from dancing, performance art motive with particularly skilled partners, mate-seeking motive with partners considered potential mates, experience-seeking motive with new partners, pleasure-seeking motive with known good partners.
Dance instructors special case of outer-oriented motive when demonstrating before students, and special case of inner-oriented motive when dancing with individual students and focusing on how student feels in their arms. At milongas, instructors typically outer-oriented, advertising performance art skills so as to attract customers, though no reason they cannot additionally have inner-oriented motives (mate-seeking, experience-seeking, pleasure-seeking).
Mate-seeking dancers sometimes repeat beginner class over and over but never go to milongas, which is perfectly logical: mate-seekers sometimes don't like either tango music or tango dancing, hence would feel out of place at milongas; usually larger percentage of mate-seekers of opposite sex at classes than at milongas; repeating class gives exposure to fresh group of potential mates (unless everyone repeats class). Advertising possibility of finding mate is excellent way for instructors to increase attendance at beginner classes.
Inner-oriented dancing (mate-seeking, experience-seeking, pleasure-seeking motives) tends to be incompatible with outer-oriented performance art dancing. At center city Buenos Aires milongas traditionally focused on inner-oriented dancing, outer-oriented dancing disparaged by expression "bailar para las mesas", which translates as "dance for the tables" [where spectators are seated], as opposed to "bailar para su pareja", or "dance for your partner". Best way for inner-oriented dancers to deal with outer-oriented dancers is give them what they really want: audience rather than partner. That is, sit and watch them dance (while listening to music) rather than dancing with them yourself.
Inner-oriented dancers should treat each dance as if it were only opportunity ever to quasi-sexually connect with partner. For experience-seekers who constantly seek out new partners, this may be literally true. For mate or pleasure seekers, future connections more likely if present connection good. Men following traditional tango etiquette should always forgive refusal of cabeceo (invitation), and women should always forgive refusal of mirada (solicitation of invitation), however bad dances may not be forgiven. Thus avoid dancing when not feeling in top form or otherwise unable to give 100%.
Outer-oriented performance art dancers often very enthusiastic about tango dancing for several years, then lose enthusiasm upon reaching high level of technical proficiency. Dancers most likely to persist are those whose motives are pleasure-seeking and/or socializing and entertainment. Older women often despair at not getting invitations to dance: they should learn to enjoy tango music enough to enjoy attending milongas even without dancing. Such deep appreciation of tango music would also greatly improve their ability to dance with rubato style dancers. I personally have frequently enjoyed sitting for an entire 4+ hour milonga without dancing once.
Tango dancing sometimes compared to "sex standing up and with clothes on", so that milonga provides something akin to "swing" party: public no-strings-attached sex with variety of partners one after another. Couples at such a party focused on connection to partner would correspond to inner-oriented mate-seeking, experience-seeking or pleasure-seeking dancers, whereas couples focused on impressing spectators (by making loud sex noises, assuming acrobatic sex poses, competing to orgasm as fast as possible or have the most orgasms in a row, etc) would correspond to outer-oriented performance art dancers. Other analogies: musicians who are interesting to watch versus musicians who produce good music; massage that looks impressive versus massage that feels good; food that looks good versus food that tastes good; perfume that comes in beautiful bottle versus perfume that smells good. Outer-oriented focuses on visual sense, as perceived by spectators. Inner-oriented focuses on senses of hearing, touch, taste, and smell, as perceived by participants.
Traditional gender roles: feminine seeks pleasure, masculine seeks power to generate pleasure. Musicians are masculine, music listeners are feminine. Excellence of musician measured by ability to generate pleasure in listener. Excellence of listener measured by ability to feel pleasure from music. Excellence of man as lover measured by ability to generate sexual pleasure in woman. Excellence of woman as lover measured by ability to feel sexual pleasure. Excellence of dance leader measured by ability to generate bodily pleasure in partner. Excellence of dance follower measured by ability to feel bodily pleasure while partner dancing. External appearance does not necessarily correlate with pleasure generated by musician, male lover, dance leader, or with pleasure felt by music listener, female lover, dance follower.
Masculine actively creates form, feminine passively adapts to existing form, like water which takes shape of container. In the long run, water can erode container into new shape, and feminine in general can eventually control masculine using purely feminine methods. Listeners who consistently prefer certain musicians will ultimately cause musicians to accommodate their tastes, without explicitly instructing musicians or even thinking about what is good music. Attractive women who prefer certain types of sex and dancing will ultimately cause men to accommodate their tastes, without explicitly instructing men or even thinking about what is good sex or dancing. Feminine power acts by moving towards that which causes pleasure and away from that which causes pain (boredom, annoyance). Obviously, outside realm of sex and dance, perfectly normal for biological women to act masculine. Similarly, biological men take on feminine role when listening to music. Loutish listeners with bad taste and unattractive women both lack feminine power, because musicians/men don't care what they want.
Masculine skill outgoing, thus easy to evaluate and critique, allowing for learning via feedback. Listeners can critique musicians, sex instructor woman can critique sex student man, dance instructor follower can critique dance student leader. Feminine skill not outgoing, so difficult to evaluate or critique or improve via feedback. If music listener or woman lover or dance follower does not initially enjoy music, sex, or dancing, respectively, how can they learn to enjoy? Inability to feel sexual pleasure sometimes called frigidity.
Most difficult aspect of masculine role, for both sex and dancing, is "projecting" into woman, so that she feels her body being controlled by man as opposed to controlling her body herself. If done right, external control normally generates pleasure in woman. (Many women object to external control, which raises question of why they bother with men. Why not dance alone? Why not masturbate instead of sex with men?) Much easier to teach technical aspects of masculine role, whether for sex or dancing, than "projecting" control into woman.
In the past, when sex outside of marriage was tightly regulated in western society, especially for young women, social dancing had four functions: (1) test sexual compatibility prior to marriage; (2) teach young people HOW to test sexual compatibility and also train young people for marriage, by having inexperienced young people dance with older partners; (3) opportunity for older people to socialize (jostle for position in social pecking order); (4) advertise sexual attractiveness of prostitute to prospective clients. First three functions applied to "respectable" dance venues, last applied to brothels. Choosing sexually compatible marriage partner was especially important for women, because prohibition on divorce meant no way to leave unhappy marriage, right of husband to demand sexual access meant unhappy marriage could be exceedingly unhappy for wife, severe punishment of extra-marital sex by women meant no way to gain even sliver of sexual happiness to offset unhappiness. (Extra-marital sex was also usually restricted for men, though not punished so severely as for women. Plus men are simpler in their sexual tastes than women, so less difficult for man to determine if woman sexually compatible than vice-versa, and less unhappiness if man made incorrect determination.)
In modern western society, traditional marriage, in which wife obediently follower husband's lead for life, in exchange for being allowed to stay home and raise children and not be abandoned when she is old, has been mostly replaced by temporary partnership of more or less equal rights and responsibilities, which dissolves as soon as disagreement arises or husband ceases to be of use to wife, whichever occurs first. Follower role in social dancing advertises woman's willingness to follow lead of husband in traditional type marriage, and also trains young women to be wives by having them dance with older men who know how to confidently lead. Similarly, young men are trained to be husbands by dancing with older women who encourage men to confidently lead and punish weakness in men rather than punishing strength. Women who reject traditional marriage and sex roles also naturally reject follower role in social dancing, and argue that "leading" actually means "suggesting" and it is up to follower to either do what was suggested, or do something else if she doesn't like what was suggested, or perhaps end dance before end of song if man makes too many irritating suggestions. Similarly, modern wife can either do what her husband suggests, do something else, or divorce man if she gets tired of his suggestions. Other modern men and women desexualize social dancing by focusing on coordinated bodily movements versus intimate embrace between partners of opposite sex. Function of testing sexual compatibility and training for marriage has thus been mostly eliminated in modern social dancing, other than for those few young people still interested in traditional marriage.
Function of advertising sexual attractiveness of prostitutes to clients has been replaced in modern social dancing by inner-oriented motives discussed previously in this document: mate-seeking (for temporary relationship between equals versus permanent relationship between unequal marriage partners), experience-seeking, pleasure-seeking. These inner motives do not require learning difficult dances like tango, nor for woman to obediently follow man's lead, but merely require close bodily connection between partners, as in primitive grinding-type dances that occur in popular music nightclubs. (Few women at milongas are literal prostitutes, however prostitution and promiscuity both involve frequent change of sex partners and flaunting of sexuality by young women, which has far more significant effects on individuals and society than transfers of money from man to woman, which occur even in traditional marriage. Hardly surprising that immigrants from traditional societies regard most young women in modern western societies as being effectively prostitutes.)
Finally, there is socializing function, but this doesn't require lead-follow social dancing.
In other words, lead-follow social dances like tango are mostly obsolete, given changes in social attitudes towards marriage, sex roles and sexuality in general, so no surprise that popularity of lead-follow dancing is small compared to other social activities in modern society.
1) Prematurely end dance. Rude and does not give useful feedback to follower. I never use this option unless follower is endangering other dancers with wild kicks.
2) Give follower oral instruction. Violation of milonga etiquette and never helps, even when follower explicitly asks for instruction (speaking from experience here). I never use this option.
3) Grip follower tightly and thus force her to follow. Only works for skilled followers who are initially confused by rubato style dancing and merely need to be alerted to pay closer attention. With such skilled followers, only necessary to use slight amount of force for brief amount of time. For example, if leader is dancing 3 rubato steps per measure and follower is "chasing beats", then grip her tightly for 2 off-beat steps but release grip for on-beat step (beat 1). Follower should get hint after 2 or so measures. This is my default initial option. If it doesn't work, use next option.
4) Switch from rubato to strict tempo dancing and otherwise simplify dance style to match skill level of follower. This is my usual alternative if option 3 fails. For leaders who don't mind dancing at lower skill level, this option works fine. But for leaders like me, who would rather not dance at all than dance poorly, being forced to use this option means I will likely never again invite follower to dance but she won't know why, whether because of her poor dance skills or something she said or some other reason. Less immediate unpleasantness but more delayed hurt, plus lack of feedback means no improvement. In other words, for leaders who intensely dislike strict tempo dancing, this option results in tango dancing equivalent of "ghosting": dropping lover, friend or business associate from your life without telling them why. Another problem with this option is that leader might forget unsatisfying but not really horrible dance and so mistakenly invite follower again in the future, leading to yet another unsatisfying dance, or he might confuse bad followers with similar looking good followers, possibly even good followers with whom he has danced previously, and so miss out on future dances with good followers. As a general rule, open and honest communication is best, assuming people can handle honesty. Unfortunately, experience teaches that too many people cannot handle honesty and so best to avoid confrontation.
5) Dance without regard for follower's inability to follow, so that dance looks and feels terribly clumsy. Advantage over option 4 is that resulting dance will be so bad that follower will definitely know that either she or leader has dance skills problem, plus both leader and follower should remember one another and avoid dancing again. If follower later notices leader dancing gracefully with other followers, this should suggest to her that it is she who lacks dance skills, not leader, and so she will know she needs to get feedback on what she is doing wrong, either at a practica or at a private lesson with an instructor. Of course, if leader gets stuck with one bad follower after another, all these followers will quite reasonably conclude that it is leader who has dance skills problem, not them. Therefore, this option only works if bad followers (meaning those who cannot or will not follow rubato style leading) are uncommon. Since bad followers are actually majority at milongas I currently attend in USA and Europe, this option is ruled out for me currently. Whereas I might use this option if ever again in a tango dance environment like that of late 1990's San Francisco, where most of my partners were older Argentine expats who had no difficulty following my rubato style leading, and those who couldn't or wouldn't follow were rare exceptions.
No better way to evaluate sexual compatibility, besides act of sex itself, than dancing tango in apilado embrace. So first priority, upon encountering partner who sexually attracts you, should be to dance as many tandas with them as possible. "Where do you usually dance?" communicates that you want to dance again with this partner, while their reply tells you exactly how to arrange future meetings. Even if partner doesn't currently reciprocate your interest, pressure on them is minimal with this simple question.
Aside from being completely inappropriate behavior at milongas, crude physical expressions of sexual interest are often counter-productive. Dancers are usually aware that other people at milonga are watching everything that happens, and so they may take safe and easy road of immediate rejection, even when interest is reciprocated, simply to avoid gossip. Such immediate rejection then creates awkwardness that is difficult to recover from. Examples of crude behavior: grinding pelvis against partner; stroking back or neck; groping breasts or buttocks; kissing; squeezing back or arm muscles. Much better way to express interest is say you enjoyed dance together and hope to dance again in the future: avoid crudity, focus initially on dancing rather than sex.
Most elegant way for two partners to express strong mutual attraction and immediate availability, is for both to delay saying "thank you" at end of tanda, waiting for other person to speak first. Delay that continues across cortina implies couple will dance next tanda together, and perhaps dance all night long if neither partner ever says "thank you".
If only motive for dancing is mate-seeking, then tendency to only dance with persons who sexually attract you, which greatly limits choice of dance partners, which soon makes it obvious to everyone what you are up to, which then creates pressured situation for anyone who invites you to dance (if you are a woman) or accepts your invitation (if you are a man). Final result is you dance very seldom, are bored at the milongas, and probably never meet the mate you are seeking. Much better if you can enjoy dancing even with partners who you do not find sexually attractive, so that mate-seeking is secondary motive and primary motive is experience-seeking or pleasure-seeking.
Common for only one member of couple to attend milonga, because other partner does not enjoy dancing. Also common for single women to wear wedding rings to avoid unwanted male attention, and for married men to remove wedding rings because rings are dangerous when working with machinery. So to know true relationship status of unaccompanied dancers, best to explicitly ask. If reply is that they are currently in a relationship, either they are lying because they are not interested in you other than as dance partner, or they are telling the truth, in which case you should wait for them to notify you if and when their current relationship ends.
Because tango is danced closely, important to keep clothes clean smelling, but because of exertion while dancing, shirt underarms may become fouled by perspiration smells. If traveling and staying in hotels without access to washing machine, and thus forced to wash shirt in sink each night after dancing, it may be difficult to remove perspiration smells using just soap and warm water.
What I do is the following. First, gently wash entire shirt with shampoo and warm water. Then rub soap or shampoo against area of shirt around underarms and where women's left underarm may have rested against right sleeve. Rinse and squeeze shirt into ball to expel water. Do NOT wring shirt, as this will break seams. Dip both underarms into cup containing small amount of Revivex Odor Eliminator by GearAid (previously known as Mirazyme by McNett) diluted by water. Hang shirt to air dry (hang drying will also remove most wrinkles). Any smell not removed by soap/shampoo will be consumed by enzymes as shirt air dries.
Enzymes in Revivex Odor Eliminator should not affect shirt fabric, but best to test on bottom hem initially, just to be safe. Revivex Odor Eliminator can be ordered from REI.com, Amazon.com and other retailers.
Many tango dancers value ability to pivot easily, which requires slippery floor and/or slippery soles on shoes, especially suede leather soles. Other dancers prefer less slipperiness. So there is potential for conflict.
Floor can be made more slippery by first cleaning of sticky substances like dried residue from spilled sugary soft drinks, then waxing and polishing, and finally sprinkling talc or chalk. Talc/chalk is bad idea, in my opinion, because of difficulty determining exact amount to pour and then distributing evenly, plus dust contaminates premises (audio equipment and other electronics, food being served, people's lungs, etc). Better idea is to focus on making floor slippery enough through cleaning, waxing and polishing to satisfy dancers who want maximal slipperiness, then allow dancers to reduce slipperiness on individual basis by modifying shoe soles.
Shoes can be made less slippery by applying rosin to leather soles, by dampening leather soles with water, by using rubber instead of leather soles. My preference is to simply dampen suede leather soles with water, such as by stepping on wet towel laid on floor (arrange towel in shallow plastic container to keep water from leaking away). Excess dampness will soon evaporate and insufficient dampness can be easily increased by stepping on wet towel again, so degree of slipperiness reduction easy to adjust. Traces of dampness transferred from shoes to floor will almost immediately evaporate, leaving floor unchanged for other dancers. Whereas rosin is not so easy to apply, nor to reduce if excess applied, and traces of rosin transferred from shoes to floor will permanently reduce floor slipperiness for other dancers.
My preferred tango shoes for quality dance floors are men's ballet flats with suede soles, dampened with water to reduce slipperiness. If no wet towel available at milonga premises, then soak shoes in sink before milonga, and possibly visit restroom during milonga and soak again as water evaporates. For very rough floors, as in some nightclubs without dedicated dance floor, I use rubber soled street shoes.
Best exercise to maintain strength and balance required for dancing correctly is simply to dance correctly. However, beginning dancers sometimes need preliminary work, without which they are unable to dance correctly and so develop bad habits.
Excellent exercise for both core stability and balance is standing motionless on one foot for extended length of time (30+ seconds). To make exercise more difficult, cross arms over chest and close eyes, or try standing motionless on front of foot only.
Planks (downward facing, side, upward facing) also build core stability.
Shoulder stability important for leaders. Both pullups and side planks (with fully extended supporting arm) build shoulder stability.
My first exposure to tango music and dance was around year 1991, at milonga with lesson hosted at Argentine embassy in Washington, DC. Event was poorly advertised, so only two couples and myself showed up. Man instructor worked with the couples while woman instructor partnered with me, since no single women in attendance. I was an experienced salsa dancer by then, but had some trouble picking up tango moves, so I suggested to woman that we keep things simple, and proceeded to use same dance style used for close hold salsa dancing, which equates in tango to apilado embrace and mirror steps in parallel walking system. Woman commented that I had exceptional sense of musicality, as good as anyone she had ever danced with, at least for some songs, though for other songs I was obviously a complete beginner. Neither she nor I understood that my "musicality" was simply applying to tango same rubato or polyrhythm step timimg that comes naturally to intermediate salsa dancers: 3 evenly spaced steps per 4 beats of music, hence 2 steps off beat. (Beginning salsa dancers use quick-quick-slow step timing, so all steps on beat.) This 3:4 polyrhythm step timing does not work well for all tango music, which is why I had difficulty with some songs played that evening.
Tango dancing was not popular then in Washington, DC, so I didn't follow up on that experience with further tango dance lessons or milongas, but instead resumed salsa dancing, in a style which emphasized fancy turns while holding hands and with frequent "cross-body leads" to add motion. My salsa skills had developed to where partners and spectators alike frequently complimented me. But outer signs of success concealed inner failure, in that I was becoming bored and even disgusted by my dancing. It felt like a job, entertaining partners and spectators but getting nothing for myself.
[As an aside, one advantage of salsa compared with tango dancing is that, with salsa dancing, man has option to gracefully switch to unconnected freestyle dancing with incompatible women. Whereas releasing partner and then continuing to dance separately would be considered rude with tango. Too bad, because tango could really use a way to deal with partner incompatibilities that only become evident after invitation to dance accepted, other than current methods of either persisting with dance that at least one partner is not enjoying, or else abandoning dance before end of tanda, which creates a scene. Also, it was then the custom in the USA to sometimes dance only one salsa song even if both partners were enjoying themselves, and other times dance two songs, so saying "thank you" after one song caused no offense. Compare with four songs in a tango tanda, with expectation to dance all songs.]
I then had two interesting salsa dances where women specifically asked me to remain in close hold, with no turns. Neither of these women initially attracted me sexually, but as the dance proceeded, they gradually became increasingly attractive. Whereas when I danced fancy turns, it was typical that women who had attracted me initially lost attractiveness as the dance proceeded. Evidently, such was my disgust with fancy turns that I couldn't help transferring some of that disgust to my partners. And yet my primary reason for taking up dancing salsa had been to find a girlfriend, so this was a problem. Shortly after these two experiences, I observed some older Cuban couples dancing in a softer and more musical way to salsa (namely, to clave rather than tumbao rhythm), and I resolved to imitate them. Unfortunately, not many women were like those two who had specifically asked for close hold without turns. On the contrary, most women were visibly unhappy without fancy turns, so I was forced to return to my previous style, until finally my disgust became such that I gave up salsa dancing entirely.
By then I was living in San Francisco, where tango dancing was starting to become popular, so I decided to try that instead. I immediately saw that the style of dancing taught in tango lessons corresponded to the showy style of salsa dancing I had come to detest, and so I took my simple-looking but musically-oriented salsa dance style and applied to tango, same as I had done at the embassy milonga about six years previously. From there I developed my current tango dance style, called "rubato style" in this document.
Most of my regular partners then were much older Argentine expats who had grown in Buenos Aires during the tango Golden Age (1940-1946), then emigrated to San Francisco later. As with that instructor in Washington, these older women were very appreciative of my musicality and not disturbed either by my lack of fancy steps or any sexual feelings aroused by dancing closely with me rubato style. Americans and younger Argentine women, by contrast, avoided dancing with me.
In addition to feeling better to me for dancing to traditional tango music, rubato dancing works very well for late 1950's tango (late Troilo and Pugliese, Varela, etc), and for Astor Piazzolla and other modern tango music, and also for many forms of non-tango music such as electronic dance music. This was convenient, because such non-traditional music was commonly played at some milongas in San Francisco in the late 1990's. There was also a weekly milonga then with live performances by the modern tango group Parlando (no longer in existence, but I have a recording of their work), with usually just a small number of people in attendance, sponsored by a wealthy local couple. Husband of this couple was unable to dance due to hip problems, so I would sometimes dance several hours with his wife while he watched. Even Argentine experts took note of me when modern tango music was playing, because I was usually one of the few men in attendance who could dance well to it. Sometimes I and my partner had the floor to ourselves as the other dancers walked off in disgust, muttering "this music is undanceable", despite seeing that I had no trouble dancing to it.
My appreciation for classic era tango music (music recorded in Buenos Aires between approximately 1926 and 1960, with peak during "Golden Age" of 1940-1946) has steadily increased over the years. Philosophers sometimes distinguish between Apollinian (appealing to higher rational mind) and Dionysian (appealing to lower instinctual mind) impulses in art. My own higher mind perceives beauty in western classical music, such as Beethoven or Chopin, but such music does nothing for my lower mind, which is the ultimate source of life energy and life satisfaction. Whereas popular dance music typically strongly affects my lower mind but leaves my higher mind disgusted, due to absence of intelligence and complexity in most popular music. Only classic era tango (and to a lesser degree danceable jazz and danceable acoustic Cuban music) simultaneously satisfies both my higher and lower mind: "intoxicates" and "enraptures" me in the positive sense of those words, versus stupifying me with crude emotions or leaving me emotionally unaffected. Tango is the only music I listen to nowadays, including while having sex, assuming I get to choose. When traveling, I sometimes listen to tango music ten or more hours straight, during long bus rides and flights and airport layovers, and never grow bored by it.